Back in 2006 or 2007, while living in New York City — roughly three lifetimes ago from the vantage point of now — I was at some kind of social function during the Christmas season, or maybe just a regular night out with work mates, when I casually wished the spouse of a colleague a “Happy Holidays” before we all went our separate ways.
She smiled (sort of), then replied: “Oh, we can say Merry Christmas. It’s alright.”
I recall being a little confused by her response. It seemed odd, off-kilter. There was a certain edge to it that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. I can’t remember exactly how I reacted.
My guess is that I chuckled in that uniquely American way, when we’re not sure what the appropriate response should be, and so we offer a kind of half-assed chuckle to fill in the empty space. It’s our way of saying, “I’m not sure what the f**k you just said, or why, but here’s a chuckle to show that we’re all friends here.”
It wasn’t until a few years later that I finally understood what she was going on about.
Unbeknownst to me, there was this whole movement afoot, mainly among the Christian right in America, to push back against people who say “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas.”
In case you were not aware of this phenomenon, the first thing you need to understand is that it is exactly as stupid as it sounds. If you want the long version, read this.
Here’s the short version:
People say “Happy Holidays” for any number of reasons. But one that has gained steam over the last 30 or so years is rooted in the spirit of inclusiveness. The idea is to issue a generic holiday greeting that doesn’t necessarily point to any one religion, such as Christianity.
“Happy Holidays” is a simple, catch-all phrase appropriate to people who don’t celebrate Christmas in any formal way, but are still festive during the Thanksgiving/Christmas/Hanukah/New Year’s season. This is how I came to understand it, anyway.
Just to clarify: That’s not the reason I said “Happy Holidays” on that occasion back in 2006 or 2007. I was not thinking about inclusiveness — at all. But we’ll get to that later…..
*****
The phrase “Happy Holidays” has been around a long, long time, in practice and in song and in the everyday vernacular of people making merry during the final month of the year. It’s as much a part of the Christmas season as jingling bells and chestnuts roasting on an open fire. It’s alliterative and rolls off the tongue easily, and if some people liked it because it was more all-encompassing than “Merry Christmas,” then who could possibly be bothered by that?
Silly question!
Of course some people were bothered by it — just like they’re bothered by everything under the sun that doesn’t fit neatly and precisely into their very particular worldviews.
Naturally, this seemingly benign embrace of “Happy Holidays” ruffled the feathers of the eternally aggrieved conservative Christian segment of America, and became some kind of cultural dividing line. They decided that “Happy Holidays” was just another woke/PC/leftist/secular/socialist/anti-God/anti-America nuclear warhead designed to destroy Christmas and replace it with, oh, I don’t know – some kind of heathen orgy hippie commune thing.
They called it a “War on Christmas,” put on their best self-righteous masks, and immediately went about jamming this narrative down everyone’s throats.
Of course, it was all bullshit. There is no War on Christmas – not then, not now, not ever. Travel anywhere in the United States this time of year and you’ll be engulfed in the spirit of Christmas – the lights, the holly and trees, the decorations, manger scenes, carols, Santa queues, all of it.
No, Virginia, there is no War on Christmas.
But a lot of people bought into it, anyway, because of course they did. It gave them another axe to grind, another monster to demonize.
Plus: It gave them another way to cash in. Go online sometime and look for “War on Christmas” merch. You’ll find all kinds of stuff, like this dumbass thing and this dumbass thing and this dumbass thing.
As with any war, somebody somewhere is gonna figure out a way to profit from it.
*****
Do you know why I said “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas” lo these many years ago, before I learned about the whole “War on Christmas” fever dream?
Because it wasn’t Christmas Day, that’s why! It was a few weeks before Christmas Day.
Do you know when I do say Merry Christmas?
On Christmas Day, that’s when! Because it is the actual day of Christmas, of Christ’s birth, so it makes sense to say, “Merry Christmas.” Maybe on Christmas Eve, too. Yes, Christmas Eve works, too
But not before, and not after. Not for this ol’ boy, anyway.
Call it the journalist in me, or the editor in me. But it just doesn’t feel right to say “Merry Christmas” when Christmas is still weeks away. To me, it’s like saying “Happy 4th of July” on, say, June 23.
I wasn’t trying to make a sociopolitical point when I said “Happy Holidays” on that New York City eve long ago. I was trying to be chronologically accurate.
Technically, we were in the holiday season – that two-month period between Halloween and New Year’s Day that also includes Thanksgiving, Hannukah and, yes, Christmas.
At the time, “Happy Holidays” was chronologically accurate. “Merry Christmas” would not have been because Christmas Day was still a couple weeks away.
I understand that others say “Merry Christmas” throughout the holiday season. More power to ‘em, say I.
I’m just not one of ’em.
*****
You know the ironic thing about my first encounter with someone who got triggered when I said “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas?”
The minute I learned why she got triggered — years later — I decided that I would say “Happy Holidays” as often and as loudly as possible for the sole purpose of triggering anyone who would get triggered by it. I’ll even do it on Christmas Day if I know it will ruffle someone’s sensitive little feathers.
I know, I know: It’s immature, right? Saying “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas” just to annoy people. Guilty as charged.
But I just can’t help myself. I just can’t. I just get a helluva kick out it. It’s just so GD fun watching them get so GD offended by something as GD silly as “Happy Holidays.”
Personally, I love Christmas. Our family loves it. We decorate the tree and hang the wreaths and stockings. We place the manger scene on a shelf, watch A Christmas Story over and over, and get all giddy awaiting Santa’s annual dive down the chimney.
I mail out Christmas cards every year. I binge on Christmas music. I prepare a big Christmas feast for the family.
Christmas season truly can be the Most Wonderful Time of the Year (although if I’m being honest, I’ve grown more enamored of warm, sunny summertime as I get older).
So yeah, I love Christmas. I wish all of you a very Merry Christmas – on Christmas Day.
Until then, it’s Happy Holidays – and may it be a HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HOLIDAYS to all!
Image: My AI creation featuring the Three Wise Men. I also had one of Jesus saying “Happy Holidays,” but decided against it, in the spirit of peace on earth and good will….
Vance Cariaga 