Random musings on a rainy evening, when I feel obligated to crank out a blog, though for what reason and to what purpose, I have no earthly idea. Let’s jump right into it, shall we?
Fun and Games
Every four years, I plant myself in front of the TV and look at competitive swimming and track events with the single-minded focus and enthusiasm of a kid planted in front of a gallon of ice cream, and no adult around to tell him when to stop.
I never, ever watch swimming or track any other time. Not once, not ever. But when the Olympics rolls around, there I am, listening to swimming commentator Rowdy Gaines boil himself into a mad froth describing yet another AMAZING and UNBELIEVABLE swimming heat, or the track commentators going gonzo over another UNBELIEVABLE and AMAZING footrace.
The Summer Olympics, currently ongoing in Paris, are a rare treat, like a gallon of ice cream and no adult around. That’s what makes them special. They don’t come around often enough for you to get bored with them. And this year’s Olympics have been extra special, at least from an American fan’s POV.
The U.S. swimmers managed to win the most gold medals and overall medals – again – in a year when Australia seemed set to wrest the crown away. Before the Olympics, the only swimming name I recognized was America’s Katie Ledecky. Now that the swimming competition has wrapped up, she’s still the only name I recognize.
Ledecky is the greatest female swimmer of all time, and second only to Michael Phelps as the sport’s GOAT. She has won nine Olympic gold medals, 14 overall, and 21 world championship golds. She’s the fifth most decorated athlete in Olympic history. This year she won the 1500-meter freestyle by such a wide margin the camera crew had to use a wide lens just to capture the swimmers behind her. I half expected her to take a few postgraduate courses while she waited for the others to finish. She’s pictured above the headline in a photo I got by googling her name.
The Americans have done equally well in the track events, grabbing a couple surprise gold medals and some they were expected to win, along with the usual collection of silvers and bronzes.
There are exactly two sports I am passionate about in the Olympics: Swimming, and track. And the shorter the event, the better. In swimming, that means the 50-meter freestyle and the 100-meter free, butterfly, backstroke, breaststroke and Individual Medley.
But the track sprints are what really set my heart to “racing” (ha ha!) – the men’s and women’s 100, 200 and 400, along with the relays for each. They’re over in no time at all but the drama is addictive.
Again, the U.S. men and women have done well in these events – which, admittedly, is what you might expect when you are the richest and one of the biggest countries in the world.
I don’t only pull for the Americans, mind you. It’s also a thrill seeing some athlete from a smallish country like Grenada or Zambia or Mongolia or Armenia grab a medal.
I’ve also tuned into some gymnastics, diving, volleyball, badminton, table tennis, boxing and basketball during these games.
Here are three sports I refuse to watch during the Olympics:
- Soccer
- Tennis
- Golf
Why are these sports part of the Olympics? Don’t they get enough attention year ‘round? Do they have to come in and crowd out all the other sports that rarely get attention, like cycling, judo, field hockey, fencing, trampoline, dressage? Did you know trampoline and dressage are Olympic sports? Neither did I!
I’m a huge tennis fan, but I don’t care to see Novak Djokovic take his 18-bounces-before serving act to the Olympic Games. Soccer has the World Cup, the Euro Cup, the Copa America – why is it in the Olympics?
And golf? Golf? GOLF? Since when is this an Olympic sport? I had no idea golf was an Olympic sport. I bet golf didn’t even know it was an Olympic sport until some Olympic bureaucrat sent it a text saying, “Hey Golf – you’re an Olympic sport!”
Anway, only a few days left. Go America!
And Grenada!
Misery and Games
The Summer Olympics always come in the same year as the U.S. presidential election, which means that in the United States, two weeks of summer fun and pageantry are framed by 50 weeks of shitastic fucking shitfuck misery shit.
Sorry for the language. But man, I hate the presidential elections. So do you. And you and you and you. Admit it. You hate it. You hate the anger and division, the lies and posturing, the media savagery, the idiots with their idiot trolling. It just wears you down and kills your buzz. You just want it to go away.
Look, I know which political team I’m on. I’m on the team that doesn’t include the infantile, coif-challenged, orange-hued dipshit lying brat who would rather plunder the earth than admit he’s a loser. I hope he loses like he did last time and the time before that, if you are counting actual votes. I hope he loses and throws a tantrum and then fades into irrelevance as his party finally gets the message that he’s a loser and cancer that can’t be cured.
I want this with every inch of my being.
But mainly, I want it all to be over.
Storytelling
I’ve spent most of my professional career as a writer in some capacity – more than 40 years up to and including this very moment. I got my start in it waaaaay back in junior high school, when I wrote for a couple of student newspapers and took some journalism and creative writing classes. In all that time, through all those years, there are only two pieces of writing advice that still stick with me to this day.
One came from Ernest Hemingway, who said some variation of the following:
Always end the writing day at a place when you really want to continue writing.
This usually means you are in the midst of a hot streak, when the words pour out of you and the story seems to write itself. Writers who have been in this zone will tell you that the last thing you want to do is stop – which is exactly the point. By stopping now, you will be able to pick it right back up tomorrow with your foot on the accelerator. You won’t have to stare at the keyboard or writing tablet for an hour or two, wondering how to inch forward with that titanic anvil on your back.
The other piece of advice came from crime and western novelist Elmore Leonard:
Leave out the boring parts.
It’s pretty straightforward advice, but a whole bunch of writers ignore it. My interpretation is that every line and word should mean something, should advance the narrative, plot, theme, story arc, character development, whatever. Don’t waste words. Don’t try to wow the reader with your writing chops at the expense of everything else.
These are not hard and fast rules for everyone. But they have worked for me. I’ve kept them in the back of my mind when writing fiction, and even when writing non-fiction. That’s why I’m a world-renowned writer with a massive following and the envy of you and every other writer you know.
Okay, that last part is bullshit – I am none of those things (ha ha!). But I HAVE earned a living as a writer for decades, including “write” now (ha ha!), and for that I am eternally grateful, seeing as how just about any other job would probably send me right over the bend, assuming I could do it in the first place…..
The photo accompanying this blog was taken by my wife in Montclair, New Jersey, just a town over from where we currently live. “Create a Great Story” is the name of a store. It just so happens to be located beside one of the best bookstores I have ever set foot in, though “Create a Great Story” (ironically) is more of a gift/knick-knack shop.
Anyway, it’s a cool name for a shop, a great mantra for writing, and a fine excuse to blog.
Until next time…..
*I am not, in fact, a revered writing machine.
Vance Cariaga 