Let’s begin with the spaghetti sauce, which I made a couple nights ago. It was a gastronomic triumph, if I may be so bold (and I may). It had the right combination of savory, tangy and sweet, with flavor depths that I’d brag about, if I were the bragging type (ok, I am). I gave it 5 stars – the highest culinary rating possible. And since I’m the only one who ate it, the 5-star rating has been permanently etched into the culinary record.
The recipe was not complicated. I mean, it’s spaghetti sauce. Just about everyone makes spaghetti sauce. My version was pretty standard. I sauteed some fatty ground beef and Italian sausage in olive oil, and added fresh basil and oregano from the backyard garden. Then came a mirepoix of diced onion, carrots and celery, followed by garlic (powdered – don’t judge). Then dried herbs, beef stock, crushed tomatoes, red wine. Salt and pepper. A couple secret ingredients I won’t share, come torture or death.
I’ve been making spaghetti sauce for, oh, 40-odd years. One thing I learned is to leave the meat alone while it’s sizzling. Don’t bother it. Let those meaty flavors make love to the bottom of the pan. Let those juices juke and jump. After a while, fine, you can stir it. Then add the other ingredients. The important thing is to take your time – give the sauce time – and enjoy the process.
Enjoy the process. Take your time.
*****
As it turns out, time is one thing I have plenty of right now. I’ve been home alone for more than a week. The rest of the family (wife and kids) are across the Atlantic, visiting London and Paris. They’re gone for about 10 days. This means I have more time on my hands than usual.
I have my normal daytime routine of work, chores, exercise, biking, reading, sports viewing, siestas, etc. The nights, though. There’s a lot of empty space to fill up at night. And much of that space has been spent in the kitchen, preparing the food I love, slowly, in ways I could never pull off being the home cook feeding a family of four on a rigid schedule.
I’d planned to go with them on the trip across the Atlantic. Even paid for some of it. We lived in London for five-and-a-half years, which I’ve blogged about countless times, including here. We need to go back every couple of years to retain our residency status. That’s an important consideration, because it lets us come and go as we please, without the usual bureaucratic agony.
More importantly, maintaining our residency status gives us the right to stay in the UK permanently, just in case the United States goes ever deeper into the kind of stupidity and corruption that have become the hallmark of the current regime, but that’s another blog for another day….
I did make the first trip back a couple years ago, in 2024 (which I blogged about here). But I backed out of this latest one. Nothing against London. It’s a great place, and I learned to love it. And I get uneasy being separated from family for long stretches.
But this year, I just wasn’t up to it. I just couldn’t bear the thought of another exhausting, nerve-jangling, mind-melting and soul-destroying transatlantic airport/flight experience. I’ve made 16 of these transatlantic flights over the years (I counted). That’s not a small number. And it gets harder and harder when you reach a certain age. I have reached that certain age.
Maybe I’ll lose my UK residency status by missing this latest trip. I don’t know. But maybe it doesn’t matter. If we ever do decide to bolt the USA for good, maybe I’d rather go to someplace warmer and sunnier and cheaper, like the Caribbean.
That’s a thought for later.
But for now?
I’m home alone while the family is away, filling in most of the extra evening hours cracking open a beer, turning on some jazz, and cooking food.
There was the spaghetti sauce and pasta, which you already know was a culinary masterpiece. Here are some of the other dishes I’ve prepared, since you keep asking me about it (wink, wink):
- Dominican Locrio, a delicious chicken and rice dish with numerous variations. My version includes chicken drumsticks, parboiled rice (less starchy), sausage, herbs, olives, onion, garlic, chicken broth, hot sauce, and tomato paste. I took my time making it (enjoy the process!). After tasting it, I decided it’s the best batch I’ve ever made.
- Eastern North Carolina-Style Pulled Pork. Done right, this is a days-long recipe. First I marinated a large pork shoulder in a vinegar/red pepper sauce that included a dry rub of chili powder, paprika and garlic powder. That sat in the fridge overnight. Next, I slow-cooked it on a charcoal grill for several hours. Then I slow-cooked it some more in the oven. Then I let it cool in the fridge for a day. Then I sliced it and pulled it apart little by little, bit by bit, until it was the right texture to toss on a hamburger bun with some hot sauce and homemade coleslaw (which I also made). Eastern NC barbecue is the best kind of barbecue. There, I said it.
- Tex-Mex Chili, made with love and passion. Ingredients include ground beef, red beans, black beans, tomatoes, chili powder, cumin, onion, green chilies, garlic and hot sauce. This, you need to cook slowly as well. I like it served over white rice, with saltine crackers and tamales (the canned kind – don’t judge). Inspired by my mom (RIP). I also made some tricked-out cornbread with bits of real corn and green chiles, just because it sounded like a good idea.
- Chicken Chow Mein, a Chinese-American classic with two very distinct versions, depending on where you live. I grew up on the East Coast, where Chicken Chow Mein means white-meat chicken sauteed with cabbage, celery, onion, garlic and corn starch, and then served with white rice and crispy noodles. Here’s a video that explains everything. When I moved to the West Coast for a few years back in the early 2000s, I learned quickly (and not happily) that Chicken Chow Mein is basically a noodle dish rather than a cabbage dish. The East Coast version is better. There, I said it.
The point is….
I’ve been doing a whole lot of cooking these past several Home Alone days, with all this extra time on my hands.
And maybe saw my future in the process.
*****
The main reason I didn’t want to take the trip to London was because of the long and tortuous airline experience. But it wasn’t the only reason, if I’m being honest. I also felt like I could use the time alone. To hit the reset button for a while.
And I really, really needed to hit the reset button.
Here’s one thing I’ve had a hard time admitting to myself, but probably need to: My life has been undergoing a sea change of late, and I’m not exactly sure how to deal with it.
For 17-plus years, my identity has largely revolved around my role as a dad, husband and family man. That’s been the most important role. Yes, I work for a living – even now, after I’ve officially passed retirement age. I work every day. That income is important. We have bills to pay and kids to raise. In short order they’ll be in college, and that’s going to cost a whole shit-ton of money.
I never want to stop working. More importantly, I can’t afford to.
But my main role has been to raise kids and manage the household. My wife and I share in that role, for certain. She’s a great Mom, very devoted to our kids and home. But she’s also quite a few years younger than me, and in the sweet spot of a successful career with a major corporate entity. She keeps moving higher up the ladder, and is needed at the office a few days a week. Because I’m a free-lance writer, I can work from home every day.
This means I’ve had a heavy hand in home chores, yard chores, and dad stuff. I’ve been a very active father, a constant presence in our daughters’ lives. I’ve embraced it, loved it, and taken it seriously.
Now our daughters are getting older. Teens. Growing more independent by the minute. They have their friends, their social lives and school lives. I admire their ability to adapt to new surroundings, their expertise at making new friends even after so many moves from town to town, state to state, continent to continent. It’s a skill that frankly astounds me.
Right now, their lives are very much centered on friends and school. That’s as it should be. I’d be upset if it weren’t that way. The days of them asking Dad to take them to the ice cream shop, or arcade, or on bike rides, or to the park, are long gone. Our time together keeps getting shorter and shorter.
There are some exceptions. Over the last couple of years I’ve spent countless hours with our oldest daughter teaching her the finer points of driving in this car-obsessed country. She now has her driver’s license. The younger daughter will start the process very soon. That will last another couple of years.
I also taught our oldest daughter the finer points of softball, because she wanted to play for the high school team. Being a long-time baseball player, I had plenty of experience to draw on, and we spent long days and weeks and months and years working on the finer points of the game. She just completed her second year on the team, and has done well.
Now our youngest daughter wants to join her on the softball team, so the process will repeat itself.
But for the most part, they’ve found their own lives, their own identities. Again, that’s as it should be. In a few years they’ll both be off to college. My wife will still have the career that requires her to spend most of her work hours in the company office.
And me? Well, I’m gonna have to come up with a game plan for the rest of my days, however long they last.
*****
I never spent much time thinking about the next chapter of life – because there hasn’t been the time or luxury. You have to focus on the here and now, the daily routine, the home, work and family.
Lately, though, it’s been taking up a lot more space in my head. After so many years of forging an identity as a dad and family man – and with the kids becoming more independent – I lost track of the identity I had before all that came along. Soon enough, I’ll have to revisit that person. See who he is. Get to know him again.
These last few days have been a good test run. They’ve given me a glimpse into the future, into what might fill the hours after the kids are gone, the wife is still working, and it’s just me for long stretches at a time.
I always imagined I’d be happy to just write, ride my bike, hit tennis, read books, watch sports, walk the streets, hit the bars and jazz clubs, take on the role of granddad and empty-nester husband. That’s a lot to look forward to.
But when it comes to the day to day, the filling of certain hours I don’t have right now?
I’ve come to realize, just lately – just during this Home Alone experience – that there are few things I really like more than preparing food, slowly, with no timer or schedule, and a beer on the counter, and some music flowing in the background.
And here’s the interesting part: Back when I was a bachelor, one of my favorite things was cooking meals deep into the evening. And here I am again, rediscovering the joy of cooking.
I’m hardly alone. You hear countless stories of people leaving their regular jobs behind to launch a restaurant, food truck, bakery, coffee shop, pastry shop, café. Because they liked making food better than anything else in the world. Maybe I’m one of those people. Maybe it took decades, and a few days alone, to really figure that out.
Life is a constant journey. It keeps taking you to places you might not have expected. If you’re lucky, that journey will lead you to where you were supposed to be all along.
Time to learn some new recipes….
Image: Spaghetti sauce on the left, Locrio on the right. Not an especially artistic photo. But a real one.
Vance Cariaga 